Your Love & Desires Matter, and Why They Should Be Heard

by - February 14, 2019

Do you know the broken feeling inside your body, a feeling you have been preparing yourself for quite some time, but when it hits you, all that preparation is lost? There you are curled up on the floor, swamped by more pain than you can carry, filled with disbelief, anger, and sadness. 

No matter how much we prepare ourselves, or no matter how many times we go through certain experiences, when they reoccur - it is as if we have never learned in the first place. 

Sometimes its a pain we have to go through in order to see what we have been ignoring all along. Sometimes it is a form of a wake-up call, the worst alarm clock to wake up to, but necessary in order to change the direction that our life has taken on. And sometimes its simply us choosing the wrong person to love. 

love, relationships, healing, heartbreak, valentine, valentine's day, heart
photo by alohawishesphotography

Do you believe in true love? 

I am not much of a ‘romantic’ person, believing in true - everlasting love, I never have been. Perhaps, this could be rooted deep down within me since my childhood. Seeing my mother go through a failed marriage and a very painful divorce. Or perhaps I could blame my first love, the one I believed was my true love until it ended in heartbreak. My broken heart, taking the decision to move abroad, I had to give myself good three years of letting go to heal. 

And so I learned to protect myself by simply not allowing people to get too close to me for years. You can relate, right? How many times you did or promised yourself you would: freeze your heart, shut the door, not let people in, don't feel...

I have since had nice and long relationships, short and sweet ones too, but I was the one in control. I was the one who would get up and leave, perfectly unaffected, totally undamaged. I became immune to relationships - immune to love, finding it easy to simply vanish when I felt like things were not getting anywhere no more. 

Along the way, this started to worry me. Was I still even capable of love? 

I became good at leaving places, friendships and relationships easily behind to start off anew elsewhere. No looking back, no tears to spare. I wondered how resistant to love could a person become? 

We are love and therefore we seek love 

With yoga, meditation and mindfulness I slowly learned to take my guard down, one brick at the time, letting love in again. Of course, it has not been an easy process. Who likes to feel exposed? Wearing nothing but a thin layer of your precious skin, walking through crowded streets?

You ARE lovable!

But there is beauty in that. I missed the love and so I asked for love, and I started to receive love all over. From heart-warming encounters with strangers to making new incredible friendships. Most importantly, I learned to give love shamelessly and all anew, not only to others but to myself too. When you give love, you receive love, at times it may not be from the person or a place you would hope, but love always comes around. 

And so I gave, I shared, I willingly became vulnerable. This often gets welcomed, accepted and returned with open arms. Sadly, the truth is that almost always there appears this one person that keeps taking and taking until there is nothing left to take.

love, relationships, healing, heartbreak, valentine, valentine's day, heart
photo by alohawishesphotography

Speak your heart out

If you are quite a mindful person you are most likely opened about your feelings, mainly with yourself but also with others. If you are feeling a certain way about something or someone you probably question it and reflect on it so that you can understand your feelings. 

Being honest with yourself about the way you feel, I believe is the greatest form of self-love. Being honest, about the way you feel, with others, is a pure act of courage, strength, and vulnerability. 

The difficulty is, that while you may be brave and courageous enough to express what your heart wants to scream into the world, the world may not be ready for that. 

Your emotions are not your weakness, they are your (super) power

Nowadays, we are taught to let the ego lead the way, to lie, to be dishonest and to hide our emotions. As if, the most natural thing we ever fully own, our emotions, became a sign of weakness.

Pour your heart out, loud and clear in front of someone who you believe will share your feelings, only for them to use this brave act of yours to hurt you in the most vulnerable places. Now, that may truly be one of the most challenging experiences we would ever have to encounter. 

But what if the other person feels the exact same way? While they are too scared to admit it and instead of being honest with themselves and facing the way they feel, they turn your love against you. Pressing at your weakest spots, pulling at your deepest roots, hurting places you didn't know you had. Betraying your trust right in front of your eyes, breaking your friendship, your love, your heart; in an attempt to protect their own fragile heart. 

Is fear what is stopping us?

I used to wonder why is that, why do people behave in such ways, and the only reason I could think of was - fear. Fear of the new, fear of change, fear of getting hurt. After all, it may seem easier if you just give up and let them go eventually. Rather than for them having to become vulnerable and exposed, expressing their feelings to and towards you. 

Sadly some might never own their power to take such steps, and they only realize what they could have had once it's far gone and lost. Other people, however, return your feelings with such openness, welcome and gratitude it takes your breath away and brings your heart back to life. The only problem is, we never know who is the person we fall in love with. But there is a beauty in it! 

Life's lessons

Ofthen there are a little too many signs telling us to stop, to turn around, cut and run. Not graciously walk away, but literally run for life, and guess what? In most cases we do the exact opposite! 

Instead, we keep being our vulnerable self until there are no more warning signs, but a big smack right across our surprised faces, sending us to the ground and beneath. It is only then, we finally get to meet and see the person we would never fell for to begin with. Because all we can all of a sudden - is not a pretty picture. Neither it is the perfect picture we had created in our minds and hearts.

As painful or even traumatic these experiences can be, they are often necessary for us to snap out from our dream, to make the shift, take a U-turn. These, however, are the most valuable lessons we get to learn from.

Taking a step back

When the heart starts overflowing with raw emotions, disbelief, pain, confusion, disappointment, ache, anger - the list could go on forever, it's important to know what needes to be done to take our power back. To pick up our stumbled hearts of the ground and brush the dirt off before the mind goes into a total blowned-up break-down. 

Pause for a moment and observe what is happening:

♥ how did I not see this coming… (it's ok)
♥ what have I done to allow this to happen… (it was not my fault)
♥ how does it make me feel? (I am safe)
♥ why does it make me feel that way… (I welcome it all)
♥ what can I learn from this… (I deserve better)
♥ what actions should I take next… (I did the best I could) 
♥ accept the situation (everything is temporary)
♥ learn to let go of expectations (to avoid disappointment) 
♥ own my power to move past it (I am stronger than I know)
♥ surrender to my feelings, allowing them to bubble up (listen and observe)
♥ experience those feelings (no resistance)
♥ eventually allowing the feelings to pass (feel them thoroughly) 

Healing is not going to happen overnight, neither is it going to be easy. There would always be sleepless nights, unfinished plates, puffy eyes, mascara colored tears, scratched walls, broken frames, greasy unkempt hair, empty chocolate boxes, piles of books and cheezy magazines, and hours of watched comedies that never made you laugh anyway. A body, your body that would shake and tumble at a single thought, nauseous and weak, twitching every time you realize it wasn't just a bad dream. 

love, relationships, healing, heartbreak, valentine, valentine's day, heart
photo by alohawishesphotography

Give yourself time to heal

Eventually, you take control of the mind, the mind takes its control back over the heart, the heart takes control over the body, knowing just how deep down the pit we had gone and what needs to be done next - the healing.

And why is ALL this a beautiful thing? 

Because of the uncertainty and the unknown. Love can literally break-you or a make-you, we just need to pay attention to the little signs to see if it is that kind of love we are looking for. Sometimes it is, sometimes it is not and sometimes we just need to learn the hard way. Nonetheless, it is nothing that our strong and courageous hearts cannot handle. Although at times it may feel quite like the opposite, do not ever doubt that or hold back. 

For now, allow yourself to heal, especially on a day like today. A day we tend to spend hours and a little fortune preparing something special for our loved ones, or quite the opposite - spend a whole day crying our eyer out for not having someone to share this day with. 

When was the last time you gave something special to yourself? Let this Valentine's day be a little different, take and spend some time alone, focusing and giving love and care to yourself.

Ways to practice self-love and self-care:

♥ Tell yourself just how amazing you are
♥ It’s okay to say no
♥ Rest and relax 
♥ Be grateful 
♥ Recognize your self-worth 
♥ Take a few deep breaths 
♥ Move your body
♥ Be kind to yourself 
♥ Take a bubble bath
♥ Eat mindfully
♥ Pay yourself a compliment 
♥ Meditate 
♥ Get creative 

Nonetheless, love fully, be brave, be bold, be vulnerable, there is beauty in that. I promise you - one day, that one special person would see and honor that in you, and a whole world of you beyond it. And that person would never want to let you go, for you are made of gold. 

Thank you SO much for reading my blog! 
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