5 Miraculous Steps to Heal From a Devastating Grief and Loss

by - July 11, 2018

We all experience pain, loss and grief differently. What does not differ is the fact that we need to feel through this rather uncomfortable times. Yes, of course, it would be easier to just 'move on' and jump right back into your everyday life nothing happened. But let me tell you - you need to give yourself time to feel the pain, to grief and to be sad. So often people think they are strong enough and have too of a busy lifestyle to take some downtime. Wrong, you might feel fine at first, but all these suppressed feelings will bubble back up to the surface one day. Stronger and more intense, in fact so intense that it may bring you down with depression, anxiety, panic attack, chronic disease and so on. Which is why it is crucial you allow yourself to fully feel thought the pain, embrace it, accept it and then let it go.

For example, a loss of a loved one can hurt for days, months and even years - some days more, other days less. The pain may feel like it's always there, a pain that does never go away. But a pain that you eventually learn to live with. You may experience similar, but less intense feelings, following a breakup, divorce, death of a family pet, losing an important job, having something important to you stolen or lost. These are all loses that can leave you feeling powerless and lost.


healing, grief, loss, pain, suffering, sadness, love, oneness, mind, mindfulness
photo by Jorge Rastrojo
 Here are a few steps to follow when dealing with a painful experience.

1. Take Your Time
Following an emotional experience or a loss, take some time off work and away from social interactions. This experience might make you feel isolated and alone at first anyway, and that is ok. Allow it!

Once you feel ready, start with people closest to you. With time and when you're ready to try, get yourself out more and more every day. Meet your closest friends/ colleagues and if you want to talk about your loss, do so, if you are not ready to let your friend know and give them a space to talk about themselves. If you keep struggling, reach out for help. It is nothing to be embarrassed about, but instead, be proud of for acknowledging that you may need some guidance to overcome the loss. Remember we all experience a loss differently. So for now, allow yourself to feel angry, frustrated, sad, hurt, powerless and helpless, and know that it is OK to feel that way.

2. Allow Yourself to Heal
What I found to be an important part of my healing, was to allow the body, my broken soul and the mind to heal in any way that felt comfortable at the time. The first few days may feel very overwhelming as there are all kinds of emotions flowing in and out all at once. It is important to acknowledge these and put them in the right order. The strongest emotions that arise first, tend to be anger, hatred, pain and the feelings of being completely powerless. Let those appear, see how they make you feel, grieve and cry all you need. Break a glass or throw a plate against a wall if you have to. Let all those initial feelings come up with no shame, and slowly try to release them. Feelings of pity, sadness and blame might follow, eventually, it will all lead up to acceptance.

3. Speak Out
It helps to talk about pain and loss. It is in our vulnerability where we often find our strength. Your experience, whatever it may be, should not become a taboo or something forbidden to be talk about. Loss is unfortunately an inevitable part of our lives and it is important we share our experiences. Speak out! It is then, we realise just how many of us had suffered though loss and grief.

4. Accept & Forgive
You may find it impossible to forget, you may try and fail all over again and again. So instead of focusing on forgetting, begin to honour your experience. Create a memory, lit a candle and cry for until you drop, kept a written diary of your feelings when you felt really lost and lonely. These are a lot more than just painful reminders, they somehow make the situation real and therefore easier to accept. In order to heal we first need to accept and forgive, but not necessarily to forget. Accepting what happened, and that sadly it did happen to you this time, is crucial.

Another important step is to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive anyone involved. Not because they deserve your forgiveness, but because you owe it to yourself.

Don't hold on to the pain for too long, accept and release, so that eventually you can learn to forgive and to share love again.

5. Head up!
There is an always light at the end of the dark tunnel. Know that at some point in our lives we will all experience some form of loss, pain and grief. Take time to heal, it is impossible to 'move on' or 'get over it' as some people like to say unless you truly heal your broken heart and soul. For starters try to find just one little thing that can remind you what being alive and content feels like. Take it one step of a journey at the time until the time comes, you will feel human again.

Try activities that focus on mindfulness and taking control over your thought and feelings such as yoga and meditation, join a class as being alone trying to control your feelings may feel impossible. Having a kind guiding voice will become your safe place and with time, you'll be ready to sit alone comfortably.

These steps worked wonders for my following my miscarriage at 10 weeks (missed miscarriage at 8 weeks) in September 2017. And I can promise you that your loss, no matter how painful it has been, will soon get easier. As they say, 'time heals' and there is definitely some truth in that. So be patient and kind to yourself. If you need to talk, feel free to comment or email me privately.

I'd be happy to listen and hear your story and find your inner glow again, leave me a comment or contact me privately

love Vero

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